Apparently there aren't enough atoms in the observable universe to count up to the number of the oldest imaginable thing in the universe...
-Brian Cox for more

Don't get mad

I know this will upset people and others will think I want a reaction, but none of that is my intention. My intention is simply to type. To put things out there for myself to help me deal with it. So the point of this is religion. (Please stop reading now if this will offend or upset you) I was born and raised a hell and brimstone Catholic. I went to a Catholic school with nuns and church every Wednesday. I made some good friends and believed it all in the beginning but by the end of my time there I questioned what they taught me. I didn't understand how God could be loving and forgiving and the Bible would say things like if you disobey your parents you'll burn in Hell forever. So I moved to a public school and my faith really dropped off. Not being around Christians all the time and going to church much less probably had a lot to do with it. I went through the motions and got confirmed but I didn't believe any of it. I got to the point where it all just seemed absolutely ridiculous to me. I had moments where I could barely stop myself from laughing out loud at some of the things I heard. I now argue with my mother who is a deeply devoted Catholic. I can't understand her views on things like gay marriage, stem cell research or abortion. I know that in theory she feels she is following her faith, but I can't follow a faith like that. One that allows so much pain and suffering that can be easily solved by modern technology. I've reached a point where I don't look down on those with faith. I envy their ability to believe without seeing but I pity the flaws they so blindly seem to accept. I'm sure I don't really understand Christianity so if anyone wants to explain what I've got wrong I'd be glad to hear from you (but could we please keep it a conversation and not a judgement). Religion makes no sense to me, but for those it does that's fine too. I wouldn't try to convince you but don't make the "I'll pray for you" comments. They're as much of an insult as anything I could hurl at you.

Things

I want to know things. All the things that there are to know. Sometimes it washes over me with force and other times its just a feeling at the edge of my mind, barely there but not giving up the fight. Some might say that I want to know things so that I can be right, powerful, or just "better," and I guess I really don't know. I can't help hoping it's purer than all of that. Not something I want to prove myself but just something I'm sincerely interested in. That's what I hope it is but I really couldn't say.

I always try to figure out what it is that I want to know, what I'm really interested in, but it never seems to work. I know what seems most interesting and everything but what makes me still want to know all the other random information? I have no clue but it's fun to learn about all the different topics, people, and places in the world. Blah blah blah...I have bored myself. Sorry bye!

Idk Stuff...It's been a long time

So lots has gone on since school ended. I've had fun with friends, others have left me and of course HP7 has come out...I've already seen it twice. I guess I haven't blogged for a while but I just never know what to blog about! I mean people can't possibly be interested in the random nonsense that goes on in my life but I've been assured that some people actually do sooo...I guess I'll try it.

College and all the things that come with it are absolutely freaking me out! I don't know where I want to go besides dreams that won't happen and schools that don't seem like enough of a challenge. With the millions of schools out there how do people narrow it down to just one college they want to go to? And the MONEY! How does anyone afford to go to college? It's all just crazy to me and making me completely stressed out. And then when I calm down and think "ok I can figure out where I want to go and there are always student loans," then I remember the insane competition I'm up against to get into college. I freak out...on a massive scale. I truly wonder how all of us average kids make it in the world when there are all the extraordinarily talented people who eagerly await their futures... But enough of my melodramatic ranting.

Summer has been fun, tiring, awesome, boring, and an all around adventure. I went to countless grad parties and tried all sorts of new cuisine...(IT WAS SO ORANGE) I've been to the unique thrift store an "interesting" play and on a turtle rescuing mission. Music in Plymouth was interesting...though getting there at 3:00 is definitely not recommended! I've made unforgettable memories and had some very forgettable times at my job. The thing that sticks out the most to me about this summer though are all the missing people. So many of my closest friends have gone out of town leaving me to waste away in dreary old Plymouth where there is literally nothing to do. I want you all back and I'm getting quite sick of waiting!

Just to round out the randomness of all this and add a touch of anger (always necessary) I'd like to say that whatever gene makes you mother and love your children is somewhat lacking in some people. Some people just don't understand anything in your life no matter how hard you try to explain it. Some people will never be pleased and will never congratulate you. Some people are out to make your life suck. Well I've decided that these people no longer deserve my attention. I no longer care to try to please them. I will no longer be affected by their unkind words and thoughtless actions. They no longer exist to me as more than a mere annoyance to be dealt with like a petulant child.

If anyone cared to listen then thanks I guess. From now on you'll be the reason I blog!

HI

I LOVE BLOGGING