Parthex

Oh Partha...where can I even start. You are a jerk and a weirdo and sometimes a douchebag (don't get mad at me the picture says so) but I guess...most of time...you make me laugh.

So I usually start with how I met a person, but I don't know how I met Partha. We definitely got to know each other better during sophomore year though because freshmen year I had heard of Partha but at first I didn't even know what he looked like. He was mutual friends with some of my friends so I saw him around once in awhile and rather than look dumb I pretended I totally knew who he was when people were telling stories about him. Sophomore year I had AP European history with Partha for the first two terms. At first I still didn't know him. He was that kid that Prond liked to make fun of who I had heard of before. As the class went on I talked to Partha a few times and we knew each other but it still wasn't anything to comment on.

Junior year I got to know Partha. I still question whether I will come to regret that or not... We had AP Chem together and I'm not sure how but we became lab partners. Some interesting things have happened in lab, not all that I'm happy about and not all that was the safest of ideas, but I'll definitely remember what went on back at table seven. Some might say I had a tendency to order Partha around, but I say it was just payback. Payback for messing up on labs (which I totally never did), payback for making all your Nazi/Hitler/Trigger-happy jokes, but most of all payback for ever even suggesting that I was pregnant. To clarify I have not nor am pregnant. I do not exhibit pregnant tendencies and I don't talk in a high whiny annoying voice! For further proof of the harassment I undergo, just today, Partha decided to write on my arm that I was someone's property...really Partha... Luckily, at least starting third term, I've had Jacob on my side to add a little sanity to table seven.

Another thing I learned from that lab table is apparently, even though Indians constantly make fun of India, they find it offensive if "white people" make fun of their homeland which just a minute ago they couldn't stand. Being around Partha taught me to think about what I'm saying before I say it. He probably comments on more sexual jokes in harmless phrases than anyone else I know. I also learned that as much as he jokes around, Partha really does care about his friends and he looks out for their best interests.

After getting to know Partha I have found that he is an odd mixture of Indian, Hindu, smart, chess-playing, Asian music/culture loving, social little kid. Partha is very unique. He is part of his temple's youth group (if that's what it is), but from what I hear he tends to cause more controversy than help. Partha is in all sorts of AP classes and is a member of the "elite" Honors Mentor Connection club doing research at the U of M. He likes some sort of Asian/Korean/Chinese music group and shows. I have never understood the fascination, but I seem to be the only one. Partha seems to know everyone from the smart Asian kids to the artsy white kids.

But what I know about Partha isn't all nice and funny jokes. Partha can be a jerk too. In Science Olympiad, we had a misunderstanding that ended...badly. I was mean but so was he. He can sometimes get caught up in his own goals and ideals and forget other people's hopes and feelings. Partha and I are completely fine now but it reminded me that even Partha needs his space and stuff that can just be his own. While I wasn't ok with what happened Partha, all I have left to say about it is that you have a lot to be proud of and you don't need SO or anything else.

In the end, I'm glad I know Partha. He may have his moments (although everyone does), but in the end Partha brightens most everyone's day. He's easygoing and a great sport. He makes fun of me...but in the end even though I yell and complain, it is amusing, and he has super awesome fashion sense (jean jacket with jeans). Partha is a great friend but you'll have to have a sense of humor.

Partially an apology.

Bradley Dawson, I am sorry. In ninth grade I met you and I must say I immediately judged you. You seemed kinda weird and everyone told me you were a bit of a loner so I treated you as such. I was mean and I shouldn't have been. I'm sorry, but it doesn't seem to have affected you so that's good.

So getting to know Bradley hasn't happened till very recently. My sophomore year was pretty much just a continuation of freshmen year. I saw him around but we basically avoided each other. This year Bradley and I were in the same place in the morning and I saw him more often. My perception of Bradley has gone from wolf (or is it coyote) kid to pretty awesome and crazy loyal friend. Bradley and I still aren't very close but some of what we've been through has been very revealing to me.

Bradley is loyal. No matter what it is, if Bradley cares about you he will stand by you. It seems like something you would expect from all your friends but I've come to realize that it's a special trait to have and if you find someone who is truly and unconditionally loyal you should stick with them. On the other hand Bradley is intense! He once misunderstood something and was very upset with me. Let me tell you, when Bradley is upset he doesn't just let you know he will confront you. Until it all got straightened out I thought he was legitimately going to punch me. But once again, Bradley was being loyal to a good friend. I also heard that once, when he was angry, Bradley broke a rock in half. I laughed but I definitely believe it. Bradley is intense.

Bradley's a great kid. He's his own person and he's confident in who he is. He wants the best for everyone, as long as you're on his good side, but most noticeably, Bradley is loyal and that is what's most impressive to me.

Expectations

So there are a lot of expectations of a lot of different things placed on a wide variety of people. Teenagers have to deal with this the most. Everyone expects something from us and we don't even know what to expect from ourselves. Parents expect grades to be good, rules to be followed and attitudes to rival the brightness of the sun when all we want is some freedom to understand who we will become. Teachers expect blind belief and perfect completion of all assignments, tests, and "learning activities" when we are just searching for our own truths hoping to have our own time. There are tons of expectations put on us but the one that flies under the radar is the expectations we have for ourselves.


I definitely fit the phrase "you are your own harshest critic." I not only expect but demand perfect grades, extracurricular involvement, flawless plans for the future, and social acceptance. To achieve these things I slowly gave up the "just for funs" and "good enoughs" that others pushed on me and decided I would do better; but through this process of reaching my elusive perfection I lost who I am and forgot who I want to be. Even worse when I do have fun or I don't reach my goals I end up feeling guilty. Guilty for hanging out with my friends, guilty for getting an A-, when rationally I know I'm just being a normal teenager.


So who am I? I guess I'll have to think about that and get back to you.

Oliver...

Ok so after posting about Jeff, Oliver wanted a blog post about himself so here goes...


Umm Oliver...can't say I really know too much about him. I know he's some sort of mixture of nice, weird, sleepy, and lazy? (or is it just procrastination?) Oliver makes me laugh but he also makes me feel uncomfortable and most of all he makes me confused.


Who is Oliver. I don't know if anyone knows the answer, but if they do they possess much stronger behavior analysis skills than I do. With most people, once I've been around them for awhile I can tell when they're just messing with me, when they're serious, and what is truly important to them, but with Oliver I've never been sure. Just when I've convinced myself all his crazy noncomformist behavior is an act, he does something so weird so naturally that I have to question my convictions and wonder if that's really who he is. But in the end I'd have to assume that Oliver wants what anybody would want: to be accepted for who they are; so I guess rather than try to "figure Oliver out" its better to just appreciate his uniqueness. (Is that a word?)


How I met Oliver. I have no clue! If anyone has any ideas let me know. As far as I can remember, Oliver is just one of those people I saw hanging out with people I knew, then once in awhile we would acknowledge each other's presence, then we started to talk a little, and now I guess I kinda know him.


Oliver is smart. Not in the way anyone would think of though. Oliver doesn't try and seems to have just about no drive and yet he pulls out a good grade when he really needs to. I'm often told by people that if Oliver really wanted to he could be one of the smarter people in our school. I often questioned this until about the middle of this year. Oliver took some advanced math test (I figured just to get out of class) and he ended up scoring right with one of the smartest kids in our school. I immediately suspected foul play, but Oliver says he took most of the test completely on his own. Oliver is smart without tapping into even half of his potential.


In the end I don't really know who Oliver is, but maybe that is the way he wants it. To me he's that kinda weird asian guy who never works very hard in class and has this random patch of green hair. If you're his friend he definitely seems to have your back and he can just about always bring amusement to others (even if it is at his expense). But Oliver, in the end even though I don't know you, I would challenge you to truly try at just one thing, it doesn't matter what it is, but just try and see how the other half lives.

Jefferson

Ok so just as a precursor to this post... Jeff Zhang has asked/suggested that I make a post about him. If you feel a strong need for one of your own let me know; who knows it could be fun.

Alright so Jeff is probably one of the weirdest people I know. He's pretty smart but completely bipolar about showing it. He works really hard but doesn't want anyone to know. He's a nice guy, but only when it serves his purposes. Most everything about him is paired with a "but" statement and I can't say I've ever been able to figure out why.

I first "met" Jeff in eighth grade. He would hang out with a girl that was in my advisory so I saw him around but I couldn't say I really knew him. I associated him with the drawings that would randomly appear on the lockers and phrases like "saucy" or "el chep." I had heard he was smart but honestly, I lacked any educational stimulus so "being smart" was no big deal to me. For the rest of middle school he was just "that asian kid;" the only real notable thing about him was that I had heard he had skipped a grade but "big deal" I thought "that just means he's gonna get his license later, see R rated movies later," but ultimately nothing was different. 

Ninth grade honors physical science was the first time you could say I "hung out" at all with Jeff. He was smart...but still his level of genius was completely attainable. In middle school I saw him as a nonentity. We both got perfects and it didn't matter, but in ninth grade he became my drive and competition. Beyond the statisfaction I felt in beating him was the stigma associated with beating Jeff Zhang on a test. At this point I still didn't know the extent of Jeff's knowledge but I knew I enjoyed the challenge he presented.

Throughout tenth grade, I got to know Jeff better and unfortunately, some of the interest wore off and was replaced by a much less healthy sense of competition. I no longer wanted to beat him just because, I now needed to beat him...often times to shut him up. You see, in getting to know Jeff better, I learned that Jeff is extremely proud of his accomplishments and at times feels that they should entitle him to special treatment. (Now don't get me wrong Jeff should be proud just...maybe not so publicly at times.) The incident that most stands out to me is Science Olympiad in tenth grade. It was my first year and Jeff's second. We were initially in a few of the same events, but at regionals I had beat him. Later in the season he was no longer in this event but...I guess I'll never know why. Later when I made the state team, it always seemed that Jeff felt I hadn't earned it as I was a first year. What I actually remember is a fight he had with another girl on our team over an event that he felt he deserved. It got out of hand and I still shake my head when I think about it.

This year, Jeff and I are friends. Neither of us are perfect but I've gotten to understand the reasons behind his behavior. He is extremely accomplished to be sure, very...unique in his interests...(anime-I'll never understand that), and VERY good at piano (even if he does play boring music) but he can also be a great person. He's not the "asian machine" I pictured in years past and he does have his moments of weakness but hey, I'll always be a year ahead of him!

Working...

Blah...that is all I can say about it sometimes. I got my first "real" job in October this year at Homegoods. It's a discount store for everything you could ever need in your home plus a ton of junk that no one could ever need. The people that shop there are interesting to say the least. Just about the entire gay population and most of the Indian population shops there but perhaps most interestingly...the Russians. Every fresh off the boat Russian shops at Homegoods. They demand we do things that are directly against our policies and then don't understand enough English to understand that we are denying them their crazy requests. If you can survive working at Homegoods you're qualified to work anywhere; but all of that is really not the point of this post.
The point is to express my frustration with the necessity of work. If I could, I would quit tomorrow and spend the time I used to be working just enjoying my life but I do not have that option. Living on my own knowing college is right around the corner makes sure of that. So I work. I work minimum wage, saving every cent, and still worrying about how I'll ever afford everything. And sure, everyone says "you can just get a loan" or "enjoy your life now, worry about that later," but honestly neither of these comments have ever been overly helpful to me. I must prepare for the future and I must do all I can to be successful on my own. These are my realities; this is what I have to work for.

So...I guess that was me complaining...but you should also know the amazing benefits I've found from having this job. First, I have gained patience and people skills. The people at Homegoods sometimes make me want to punch them but my manager once mentioned to me that that is not good customer service. Who would've thought right? But really, since working I have learned to "kill the customers with kindness" although I must say that I have yet to accept "the customer is always right." Second, I have made friendships I never would have otherwise. Lots of the people who work at Homegoods aren't in my "friend-group" or don't go to my school but most of them are awesome friends that I'm truly glad I've met. Finally, as cliche and horrible as it may sound it's something to put on a college application. Especially this year I've been freaking out about my college application. All of my friends are amazing at school, gifted in extracurricular activites and on top of all that are participating in real-world research projects. I have nothing of the sort to boast of. I'm an average student (nothing noteworthy in either direction), involved in all the extracurriculars that everyone else is in, and I haven't ever left my safe little high school bubble. The only thing I can claim that many of my friends cannot is having a job even if it is little solace compared to their truly amazing vitaes.

Thanks to anyone who listened to me complain! I promise some happier posts to come! ;)

Blogging?

   This is my first blog, my first post, my first chance to put myself out there, but in all likelihood no one will ever read it. Even knowing all of this it still seems like a strangely cathartic experience. I've never been great at expressing myself and I tend to make enemies so I hope anyone who takes the time to read this will put up with my rambling and let me know what you think. Good or bad sometimes what I need most is a little perspective.


   I started this blog after reading some posts from some of my friends. They were required to begin these blogs for their AP Comp class and I didn't really think much of it at the time. Now that their class is over they continue to blog which made me wonder "What about blogging attracts them?" Feeling that asking them would yield unsatisfying results I have decided to start my own blog and find out for myself.


   I'll try to keep up on this pretty often but nothing is guaranteed. I'm sure I'll rant, ramble, and generally bore anyone who reads it but I'm excited to see what happens!


Homework calls! :P