Battle Dress

               My palms were sweating, my mind raced and my hands were shaking so badly you could hear the paper in them rustling. I was willing to give anything to be home and out of these dress shoes but I had to face my fear.

In tenth grade I joined my schools Mock Trial team after a friend begged me to come to one meeting. It seemed fun and I had plenty of time so I decided to give it a try. A few weeks in we had try-outs with an affidavit from the year before. We all had to try out as both witnesses and lawyers. At this point I had figured out that being a witness was way less stressful, involved little public speaking and was an overall smaller role. As someone who was terrified of public speaking I thought this would be the role for me. But after try-outs I was asked to join the team as a lawyer. I protested vehemently, explaining that I had no speaking skills, that it would be a disaster and they would regret it but my coaches were unrelenting.

                Throughout practices I began to learn what it meant to be a lawyer in court. I learned how to direct a witness and how to think on my feet to cross-examine an unknown peer. I got excited and felt powerful as I stood in front of my friends reciting my questions. I loved going to practice and worked on Mock Trial every chance I got; then competition season was upon us.

                On December 18^th I stood outside the school bus in my new court clothes. The coaches and my returning teammates kept calling it “battle dress” and I couldn’t see why. I made my way onto the bus and found a place to sit by a second year who always was ready to answer my questions and help me improve. As the trip got underway the bus came alive with the sounds of a court room. All around me teammates were practicing. Shouts of “I OBJECT!” came from both ends of the bus and I began to worry. I looked around and saw how impressive everyone was. They all knew what they were going to say and just how they were going to say it. How was I supposed to stand up next to them and even create coherent sentences? And then we were there.

                I dreaded every step we took towards the court room and every minute that passed. Opening statements were made. The first witness needed to be called. This was it. My hands were shaking, my mouth was dry, but then I remember what our attorney coach had told me, “Sami, something is inside of you that needs a chance to speak,” and I let that something take over. I delivered my questions with a searing intensity that nobody could miss and I felt on top of the world. My team didn’t win that trial, but I was a whole new person. Confidence rushed through my every vein and I was secure in my identity. I couldn’t wait for our next trial when I would get to stand up and show the other team how strong I was. I knew I would never be underestimated again and that’s when I knew why they call it battle dress. I had won the battle for freedom from my insecurity and I would never retreat.